thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
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There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
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Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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