I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
