oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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