Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
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He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
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The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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