remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
