I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Randomize
