hotel room ftw
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
