do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
