hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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