Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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