Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
