I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
