Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
