i think my tv is drunk
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
