How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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