Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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