rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
