We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
