My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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