i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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