In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
