I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
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Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize