i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
