Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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