she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
