I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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