Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
