I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
