I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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