wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
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I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
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I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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