i don't plan on having that self control this summer
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
