the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
