I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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