Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
This baby is an asshole
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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