you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
