Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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