I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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