i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
