Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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