Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
