hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
