Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
