You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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