Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
