This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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