Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
found the other keg... it's in the tree
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
