i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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