she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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