It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
