Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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