i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
