I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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