just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
