She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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