How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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