Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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