He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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