do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
