i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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