I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
