You don't have asthma, your pregnant
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
