The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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