The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Is Oprah even human
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
