shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
another moral hangover. fuck.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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