I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
