Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
