A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
