I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
