Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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