he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
