I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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