I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
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Mom said you looked used
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
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When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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